Sunday, October 30, 2011

Indoor concerts 101.

Hey kids, its been a while since I last wrote. The past few months have been pretty insane. Anyway, seeing as most of my 2010 consisted of concerts, I have decided to throw together a wee 'survival guide'.

Ok first rule, this applies to all. (However girls should listen up especially). Wear appropriate footwear! PLEASE! You have no idea how many times I have felt that awful stab from the wretched stiletto. OK, cool. You must already be really bright if you choose to buy standing tickets (which may I remind you, involves being smashed up against random, rowdy sweaty strangers who all want their music). If you want to go ahead and break your ankles thats fine, just don't spear peoples feet like kebabs. To all those gals who want to wear ballet flats in the 'mosh' pit, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but what the fuck?! who is honestly that stupid?! Unless your scotch taping them to your feet because you cant afford proper shoes, don't bother. After all, their only going to be easier targets for the idiots in heels to harpoon. The solution is easy, wear sensible shoes. I would recommend anything with laces really. Converse, Dr Martens, even skate shoes will do the trick. Remember Theres going to be heaps of shit on that floor. Be smart. Be protected. 

The second little rule is simple. Believe it or not, no one looks clever when they wind up to a Foo Fighters concert wearing a My Chemical Romance tee. Do you get the idea from here on? Yes, sure its great if you adore both bands. And yeah, the Foos may have been in the wash. The key thing here is that there will be several other hundred Foo Fighters fans at that show. There is that slight possibility that one of those fans happens to detest My Chemical Romance. Do you see the dilemma?  Unlikely, but it can get rough and I've seen it happen. Best to play it safe. Ask dear mummy to do the washing for you that week.

Next up, everyone with dreadlocks. Please PLEASE tie your hair up! I cannon t emphasize this point enough. I have nothing against dreads or anything, I think they are great and all. However, I do not enjoy being stung in the face by an over excited head banging lunatic as they thrash around 'expressing themselves'. -This one really sucks if the attacker has threaded beads.

Have you ever had that feeling of worried guilt whenever you see kids kicking a ball close to windows? you may not even know the kids or be part of the game, but you can see its just a disaster about to happen. This is the same feeling I get when I spot a tunnel or stretch piercing on a fellow mosh pit goer. Yes they can look attractive in rare circumstances, although often I feel they are the 'trend' of my fellow teenagers who haven't been strong enough to stand up to peer pressure OR, they lack the self confidence to be unique and happy with themselves. Possibly a little too deep? Well, here are my feelings. Why in the world do people think its appropriate to advertise themselves as live bait? I mean if an asshole came up to you with a world of abuse and happened to have a stretch you cant tell me you didn't at least think of ripping it out? Its an easy target for a fight. Just, if you have one, don t go looking for trouble.
No pockets I guess,

To round everything up, be safe, and be smart. If you have valuables that are absolutely necessary to take, eg: money, cell phone etc (Ladies, a crop top style bra can be fabulous.) Guys,,, zip pockets? Girls, don't  try to dance 'sexy' when you've chosen a heavy metal concert with bogans that want to thrash around and hurt each other - you will get in the way and piss them off. A note to guys, us girls do not like being felt up. Under any circumstances. Especially when the man of their dreams is probably onstage singing his heart out. I for one am not a fan of public displays of affection with total strangers. If your really that desperate, or creepy, get a hooker after. We came for the music. Don't be surprised if you get hit. The last point of this wee lecture is to have a plan and a meeting place for your friends so if someone does get lost or looses their phone etc they can get home safley. A tip that can work excellently for this is to discuss the meeting place BEFORE, not after the concert. Have fun, hope this may have helped.

Thats me.